-- stuck in the 70's

so long, so many stories.

2006-09-20T18:44:00.000+08:00

The past few months, there had been alot that had happened. My birthday just finished, and alot happened. Some sad, and happy and confusing things. I just don't want to put it in detail.

My bestfriend, is still the same person. We fought again, and eventually stopped for sometime.. and just a few days ago we went back to being bestfriends. Great huh? There are alot of things i can't tell him mainly because i know he wouldn't understand and he wouldn't care. Nevertheless, i still told him everything even though he never trusted me enough to tell me things and his reason was that he wasn't ready and he didn't want to hurt me. Don't you think it would hurt more knowing that you're not telling me? Ohwell, i understand. It's nothing anyhow. Now that we're back on track, there's a big gap inbetween.. it's like everything we had before, suddenly went back to zero.. but hey i guess it's doing you good. Right?

Oh, since Erika morales posted something in her blog for me, which is

"Ate Claire, thanks for making me smile. Weh, gusto pa. :))"

Here's my reply,

"No problem dear, im glad i did ;) I'm here if you need me =) Takecare. /ate claire."

tata for now. ;) takecare. :)

events.

2006-07-29T09:57:00.001+08:00

So many homeworks and projects to do. This is very stressing. School has been very hectic. Exams are coming, just a week to go. Damn. My birthday is also coming up.

It's been a month since i last updated my blog. How sad, not even time to write. There have been so many things that happened. Countless arguements with my bestfriend, which stinks. Well, that's life. So many things happened in school too. Nothing has changed, im still the same. School is number 1, then sleen, then time, then my friends. Haha. How Sad. SLEEP is precious these days, and time.

Screw projects. They are the number 1 burden in a student's life. I just wish they evaporate into thin air. haha. How Low. Speaking of projects, i'm doing mine now. So, i'll update when i can. ;)

tata for now. ;) you take care.

bestfriend.

2006-06-25T11:31:00.000+08:00

it sucks to have a bestfriend that doesn't care.

im sad.

2006-04-26T22:21:00.000+08:00

if i had to live my life without you near me. the days would all be empty. the nights would seem so long. With you i see forever oh so clearly.

Maybe i'm stupid. I don't know. I tried not to think about it. I tried. It's just that, for some reason hes very different. Trusting him with things that i never told anyone else but all this time, he doesn't know a thing about me. I miss him. Im not afraid to admit it cause i do. Unfortunately, missing him wouldn't mean a thing to him. He's shallow. All he can think about is his self, his crushes, things like that. His defenition of being bestfriends is someone you can be with in times of doing stupid things. So, what ever happend to trust? does that even exist now? I guess not. Maybe for him, friendship is one stupid thing. It hurts that you actually care for someone this much but then he/she does not even care about what you feel.

Few weeks had past, pain has not yet gone away. it stays. Too bad i can't do anything to make it go away. The only thing that would make me feel better is having him back now.. I miss you, can't you see that? :(

What if i put no one above you? What if i did the things that really mattered. What if i ran through hoops of disaster?
What about love? What about feeling? What about all the things that make life worth living? What about faith? What about trust?

Doesn't any of this mean a thing to you?

shocking.

2006-04-16T07:37:00.000+08:00

OH WOW.

This is weird. haha. I'll just show you something, then you'll know how weird. Im showing excerpts from th conversation. Its too long to put in here. You'll be bored.

eileen (4/15/2006 9:13:36 PM): anjelica alcala: bru: mukhang kawawa na siya sobra ah anjelica alcala: bru: naaawa na ako eh
KuyaM (4/15/2006 9:14:00 PM): eh kinakawawa ka na eh
eileen (4/15/2006 9:14:16 PM): Waw. May paki ka pla pag knakawawa ako? :))
KuyaM (4/15/2006 9:15:50 PM): hindi ba halata?
eileen (4/15/2006 9:15:57 PM): hindi ba halata ang ano?
eileen (4/15/2006 9:16:04 PM): na naglolokohan lang taung tatlo?
KuyaM (4/15/2006 9:16:31 PM): hindi ba halata na may paki ako sayo?

and then.. a little more chat then this comes along.

eileen (4/15/2006 9:18:13 PM): I mean. Dude.
eileen (4/15/2006 9:18:26 PM): I know you care about people.
eileen (4/15/2006 9:18:40 PM): Pero, im not sure of that when it actually comes to me.
eileen (4/15/2006 9:18:55 PM): i mean
KuyaM (4/15/2006 9:19:02 PM): you dont trust me.. i understand
eileen (4/15/2006 9:19:26 PM): pero i guessm you dont trust me :))
KuyaM (4/15/2006 9:19:27 PM): hehe
KuyaM (4/15/2006 9:19:45 PM): i trust you.. hindi lang halata..
eileen (4/15/2006 9:19:55 PM): Wow.
KuyaM (4/15/2006 9:19:57 PM): thats why i care for you?

THATS IT ;)

So That's it. Weird huh? :) I KNOW. i hope it doesnt get any weirder today. Oh btw, that was last night's conversation :) The only crappy conversation we had.

2006-03-28T21:45:00.000+08:00

Bestfriend? .. is no more.

Ok. at the moment, everything seems to be going wrong for me. I mean, one moment i was holdng it the next it slipped from my hand. Everything sucks. We all know the feeling when people leave us. It hurts, BAD. Although it does we need to deal with it. Everybody has someone to trust, someone to care for. Lucky him he doesn't even care. Everything has gone from 10 to 0. He said that he was like a slave, when infact i never forced him to do things for me. He wasn't even honest, if im really his bestfriend he would have told me but he didn't so i guess im not. Im stupid if i do say i don't miss him cause i do pero everthing ends there, and that's final.

Why fight for someone, when in the first place they dont want you in their life?

2006-02-27T16:11:00.000+08:00

Fucked Up Country.

We all now live in a country where everything is messed up. It sucks that even our own president can't do anything about it. Well, she did declare state of emergency. Which i dont really see the point why she did. Well, maybe i'm just blind to see that Cory Aquino went to malacanang palace just to pray. That's crazy. She even started the rallies. What is her problem anyway? It's not like it's doing any good for the country. Why can't everybody just get along, and for once unite to be able to fix the situation of the country? Cause as i can see, most of the country men are against the government. Why not try pitching in and helping our government to be able to achieve something.

Love.

What is LOVE? For the past 2 quarters in school we have been talking about it? It is actually indescribable. For people, they mistaken love as infatuation. That's how i see it nowadays. It's weird that people fall in love, when they don't even know what the meaning is. I myself have no idea about what it really is. When we watch movies, they give an idea that being in love is FUN. You see them having happy endings.. but do they really?

What is LOVE for you?
What can we do for our country that would somehow help in achieving peace and unity in our own country? ;)
THINK ABOUT IT. lemme know.

state of emergency.

2006-02-26T16:53:00.000+08:00

State of emergency

We went to abs-cbn this morning. Only to find out that we wont get to watch the buzz. BUMMER. It's irritating cause i was excited to watch the show cause its the first time im gonna get to watch a live show with kris and boy abunda. I was just amazed the last time we went there because the people were trying to help us get in and they were helping us to be able to invite speakers. Irritating because they said we shouldve been there earlier. We never heard her say the last time we were there.

The last time we were there i saw Juddah Paolo. Im still actually caught up in the moment when he asked my name. Ahi. We saw Bernard Palanca. Yay for me. =D They were so hot, and so tall. Yay. Haha. I was star strucked and awhile ago i saw SAM MILBY. yay! he was so hott but he dint want to take a pic with us. BUMMER. ohwell ;)

see ya around =D

defining love

2006-02-24T19:42:00.000+08:00

Defining Love

pure attention

all frustration

pure affection

all rejection

that's the way love is under my book

it's written everywhere i look

it haunts me every night before i go to bed

it even haunts me during the day playing all round my head

no hesitation

pure destruction

no pretention

pure objection

thats what i give love and thats what i recieve

i give it my all and it just turns back and leaves

i'm now starting to feel that i have taken enough

but beating love is something just too tough

what does it mean to be strong?

to turn back and leave love i think thats wrong

maybe ill just hang on to the love i have for so long

now thats what i call being strong

so i'll hang on despite all your rejection

still continue to shower you with my love and affection

there's no time for me to get bothered by this frustration

it'll be you who will have my pure attention

to love u means there must be no hesitations

risking everything i have that would be pure destruction

all i wish is that you show me no pretention

for in the court of love that is a mere objection

i've given a new meaning of love to my book

i just hope you'd take time to turn your head back and look

i pray that you take care of my love that you have took

dilemma

2006-02-07T20:35:00.000+08:00

I am me. No one can ever change that. I don't care who you are, but you can never tell me who i am or what im supposed to do.

No one is in that position except GOD but why does it seem that people around me never appreciate the real me? They always want more when what i'm giving them is the best that i have. Why couldn't they just be happy that atleast i'm doing my best. Maybe my best is good enough, but atleast i did my part.

life sucks. I hate to admit it, but it does. Life is never fair. Sometimes you just want to end your life right there and then. You want to make people see you for what you really are. How you really feel but then, your afraid, afraid that they wouldn't accept you for who you really are. You wish that someday, people will love you and honor you for being yourself because not everybody can be.

People often pretend to be someone their not just because some people cannot like them for who they are. They pretend to be happy when deep inside they are hurting. Trying to laugh just to cover up the pain that they are feeling. Putting on a smile for everybody to see so that no one would notice how lonely he/she is. Trying to act normal as if nothing is happening. They keep saying that they just don't understand, how can they understand when you're not telling them anything. Try to make them understand what you're going through, try to make them feel the pain that is inside you.

Well, so much for understanding. I just wish that people would stop judging other people because they wouldn't know them unless they get to talk to them.

Stop judging, it doesn't do you any good.

tragedy

2006-02-04T14:34:00.000+08:00

This morning, many people died. Mostly old women because of a stampede. It's depressing to know that you couldn't help, maybe you could if you prayed but everybody knows there are other ways that you could help.

People went there hoping to uplift their lives. Personally, wowowee is a great show even though most people would think it's corny. What makes the show great is that, it helps people. No wonder many went, because they were giving out prizes which people knew could help them earn a living or just be able to sustain their needs. Unfortunately, because of other people's excitement it caused the life of others.

It's very painful to hear that due to pushing and what so ever many people died. Although it is not Willie Reviliame's fault neither ABS-CBN's fault they are still willing to pay for the expenses of these men and women.

Lesson learned? I actually have no idea but this is one thing that i can say is true, the suffering of one is the suffering of many. Or is it the other way around? cause for some reason, even though im not included in the people who got hurt or who was excited to watch i was badly affected. I cried, ok that's low but i couldn't bear the thought that innocent people got killed.

I just hope that after all these, they are with GOD. Back where they belong.

Let us all pray for the souls of the people who died, and let us also pray for their families that they may recover from the accident and be able to live a normal life and for the people who lost their loved ones, let us pray that they do not lose hope.

Death is not the end, it is only the beginning.

full of pain

2006-01-31T20:51:00.000+08:00

We all know how much it hurts if we worked for something so hard, and never got it. Ofcourse all the effort you put in to it is something to be proud about. We are not perfect people, but we do know ourselves. We know when we exert effort and when were bumming around, but most of the time the people who should know never notice the effort we exert and they continue to say we don't work well. Due to that, we sometimes reach the point where we hurt ourselves (literally), and we degrade ourselves too much upto the point when we just cry and cry and we can never really stop.

I do not come from a family wherein, when you fail they offer they're hands to you. They leave you alone, and let you do it by yourself. It hurts to know that your family isn't there to even support you or help you out. Friends say they are there for you, but are they really? I don't even know why i still bother trying to live up to the expectations of my dad. He's lucky i don't even cheat just to submit something. I never said that teachers are dumb that's why i don't understand the lessons it's just that maybe my mind is too slow or she explains it in a more scientific manner that my mind cannot process it. It isn't easy going to school if you may ask. IT NEVER WAS so DEAL WITH IT. Don't expect me to have super high grades, cause i'm not like any other person. I'm not that smart.

I'm sick and tired trying to be someone i'm not when im with my family. I just wish they can accept me for me.

stress-FULL

2006-01-29T21:34:00.000+08:00

Today was ok. Im tired, im beat. I had parish involvement this morning. It was boring, because of the Niki dude. Im not sure of the spelling of his name, but it sounds right. Ohwell, he created this program for 7 sundays. We talked about baptism last sunday, and this morning we talked about marriage. Ok, so i know we should know these stuff but im too young to even worry about it. The thing that sucks is that, our handler before couldn't talk as much. We had fun when he was discussing, and i learned things from him. Unfortunately, The new management of MTQ wanted a program for the parishoners. Eugh. I hate it. It stinks.

Nothing interesting happened today, except from the fact that i told someone i liked, that i liked him. SCARY. Although i was able to release the tension when i told him. Whew.

I'm sleepy, and at the same time my dad is asking me to go to bed know.

Aurevoir! ;)

whew.

2006-01-29T08:08:00.000+08:00

So, i was shocked. The lettermen did greatlast night, and i mean GREAT. I didn't know some of the songs, but i didn't care! They weer just awesome. I had fun watching, although the tickets were expensive. Whoah. My body hurts, maybe becauseof the whole day activity. Oh well, its all worth it.

We went to Ateneo Highschool Fair, and did nothing. We just stood around until someone said that they wanted to go to the rides. Ofcourse, i didn't have money so monty had to make libre. HAHA. thanks monty for making us Libre ;) I was with Monty, Kev, Ericca, Millie, and Olen ;) I had a blast yesterday in ateneo! wooh. on the way home i dropped Kev, Monty and Ericca in Galleria. We had fun pinching Monty in the car! haha. Sorry monty ;) I had a good time with you guys yesterday :) Take care of yourself :)

It was also my Cousin Ross' birthday yesterday! :) Yiha! Another year added to his life :) Thank you Lord for blessing me with a great family :) I love them oh so much ;)

Well, that's it for now ;) See ya!

admu fair

2006-01-28T18:29:00.000+08:00

i went to admu fair, with ecaden, olen, millie, kebs, and monty. HAHA. i had alot of fun going out with them. Yey! Finally, im home and im tired. Although im going out with my dad because he wants to watch "the lettermen" theyre an old group, but its fine. haha. Im hoping i dont fall asleep! Goodluck to me!